Part 1 - Being on the receiving end
I love this photo.
Taken in September 2014, it was whilst cruise lecturing on a large American ship around the British Isles, that I visited Glasgow for the first time in many years. Whilst making my way across this glorious city, I came across a fortuitous exhibition find at the Gallery of Modern Art.
All made out of cardboard, this exhibition piece depicted the beauty of Glasgow city's architecture. It was simply a delight to observe - clear, direct and yet detailed enough to portray the buildings in representative form. It was also created at pretty much eye level for a young toddler, so that meant I needed to get down on my knees to have a really good look. That in itself was a good enough invitation to readdress my own perspective - from standing as an adult to looking at the world from the eyes of my own child position.
I think to be able to look at the world from different perspectives is a pretty healthy thing to do.
I also acknowledge just how hard this can be at times.
This is where I introduce the word 'prejudice' - ouch, a painful word that conjures up different reactions and memories for me, and a New Year's one in particular that I will share very soon. But being the curious pragmatist that I am who is determined not be defeated, using a dictionary to establish its definition helps me to step back from being swayed by my emotional reaction and instead be able to get an understanding as to why I feel so strongly. Here goes.
According to the Compact Oxford English dictionary the definition of prejudice is:
"An opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience - dislike or unjust behaviour based on this"
So prejudices are formed without any clear basis, information or reason - wow, to me they are like free radicals that cause harm, and of course they do.
Yet they are really hard to see if they are so close within our own value system and especially when they are perpetuated by own families, social groups, cultures, the media etc...
Which brings me to my New Year's story and that ouch moment.
Christmas 1991 was spent in Calcutta and my immediate family decided to make a our first trip to Southern India. On New Year's Eve whilst in Pondicherry, we booked into a plush hotel run by a significant Indian hotel group. The thought of being by the sea to bring in the New Year was just the tops, especially as our journey up to this point had been really tough travelling.
Once we'd checked in and shown to our rooms, within 10 minutes a waiter came to take our evening meal order which really confused us. Dad explained that we'd be eating in the restaurant and then heading for the beach for the hotel's party. The waiter looked very uncomfortable and said that we would have to eat in our rooms tonight. At this point, I could feel the heat radiating from both of my parents - 'What? Why? Get me the manager......"
The manager duly arrived and wasn't prepared for the reaction he was about to receive.
My dad was understandably frustrated and wanted to know his explanation. We were told that a large group of German visitors would be arriving and only they were allowed in the restaurant and New Year's Eve beach party and fireworks display. At this point, we all became furious, wanting to know the rationale behind this decision - yet, the only one given was that the hotel believed the Germans would not want to see non-White Indians at the party. By this point, there was no holding back dad as he waved his British Passport in the manager's face, declaring he and his family had every right as a person, Indian, European to sit and eat in the hotel's restaurant just like any other fee paying guest.
This was a cruel 'ouch' moment for us all - for mum and dad, being marginalised in their own country of birth was a shock. Was this act of prejudice because of our colour, being British or even Bengali thus considered alien in the state of Tamil Nadu, or might it be that we were speaking English? We really didn't know for sure and that was the problem - not knowing, no-one being clear or direct with us when we shared our hurt and experience of discrimination.
To be confronted with such prejudiced behaviour by a fellow countryman was disappointing and a reality check, including for assumptions we were making about our own creed. No matter how much we all attempted to challenge this obvious prejudice, there was no space for discussion - the decision had been made and we'd been given our choice to either stay and put up with what was on offer (including witnessing the fireworks from our narrow verandah and not allowed out onto on the lawn, and eating our meal in our rooms) or to leave. We hadn't much choice as all accommodation in the locality was full.
The only choice we had was in our attitude and how we were going to make the most of this situation.
This included not retaliating with being prejudiced towards the hotel staff. By this stage, it was an extremely tall order for us all as we'd been hurt, felt let down, unheard, discounted and our freedom of choice curtailed. Ouch.
So back to my first line of entry about perspective - being able to hold many, often conflicting ones, is a healthy thing to do.
I still think it's a way forward, an antedote to the often unconscious practice of being prejudice - including the struggle I have with my own as I will share in future blog posts. For me, I know that my own prejudices have become shaped from those inherited from belonging to two very different cultures, and I can also identify the ones formed from those being in carer role - more of that later.
Wishing you good health and wide angle perspectives for this New Year - roll on 2016!!
Taken in September 2014, it was whilst cruise lecturing on a large American ship around the British Isles, that I visited Glasgow for the first time in many years. Whilst making my way across this glorious city, I came across a fortuitous exhibition find at the Gallery of Modern Art.
All made out of cardboard, this exhibition piece depicted the beauty of Glasgow city's architecture. It was simply a delight to observe - clear, direct and yet detailed enough to portray the buildings in representative form. It was also created at pretty much eye level for a young toddler, so that meant I needed to get down on my knees to have a really good look. That in itself was a good enough invitation to readdress my own perspective - from standing as an adult to looking at the world from the eyes of my own child position.
I think to be able to look at the world from different perspectives is a pretty healthy thing to do.
I also acknowledge just how hard this can be at times.
This is where I introduce the word 'prejudice' - ouch, a painful word that conjures up different reactions and memories for me, and a New Year's one in particular that I will share very soon. But being the curious pragmatist that I am who is determined not be defeated, using a dictionary to establish its definition helps me to step back from being swayed by my emotional reaction and instead be able to get an understanding as to why I feel so strongly. Here goes.
According to the Compact Oxford English dictionary the definition of prejudice is:
"An opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience - dislike or unjust behaviour based on this"
So prejudices are formed without any clear basis, information or reason - wow, to me they are like free radicals that cause harm, and of course they do.
Yet they are really hard to see if they are so close within our own value system and especially when they are perpetuated by own families, social groups, cultures, the media etc...
Which brings me to my New Year's story and that ouch moment.
Christmas 1991 was spent in Calcutta and my immediate family decided to make a our first trip to Southern India. On New Year's Eve whilst in Pondicherry, we booked into a plush hotel run by a significant Indian hotel group. The thought of being by the sea to bring in the New Year was just the tops, especially as our journey up to this point had been really tough travelling.
Once we'd checked in and shown to our rooms, within 10 minutes a waiter came to take our evening meal order which really confused us. Dad explained that we'd be eating in the restaurant and then heading for the beach for the hotel's party. The waiter looked very uncomfortable and said that we would have to eat in our rooms tonight. At this point, I could feel the heat radiating from both of my parents - 'What? Why? Get me the manager......"
The manager duly arrived and wasn't prepared for the reaction he was about to receive.
My dad was understandably frustrated and wanted to know his explanation. We were told that a large group of German visitors would be arriving and only they were allowed in the restaurant and New Year's Eve beach party and fireworks display. At this point, we all became furious, wanting to know the rationale behind this decision - yet, the only one given was that the hotel believed the Germans would not want to see non-White Indians at the party. By this point, there was no holding back dad as he waved his British Passport in the manager's face, declaring he and his family had every right as a person, Indian, European to sit and eat in the hotel's restaurant just like any other fee paying guest.
This was a cruel 'ouch' moment for us all - for mum and dad, being marginalised in their own country of birth was a shock. Was this act of prejudice because of our colour, being British or even Bengali thus considered alien in the state of Tamil Nadu, or might it be that we were speaking English? We really didn't know for sure and that was the problem - not knowing, no-one being clear or direct with us when we shared our hurt and experience of discrimination.
To be confronted with such prejudiced behaviour by a fellow countryman was disappointing and a reality check, including for assumptions we were making about our own creed. No matter how much we all attempted to challenge this obvious prejudice, there was no space for discussion - the decision had been made and we'd been given our choice to either stay and put up with what was on offer (including witnessing the fireworks from our narrow verandah and not allowed out onto on the lawn, and eating our meal in our rooms) or to leave. We hadn't much choice as all accommodation in the locality was full.
The only choice we had was in our attitude and how we were going to make the most of this situation.
This included not retaliating with being prejudiced towards the hotel staff. By this stage, it was an extremely tall order for us all as we'd been hurt, felt let down, unheard, discounted and our freedom of choice curtailed. Ouch.
So back to my first line of entry about perspective - being able to hold many, often conflicting ones, is a healthy thing to do.
I still think it's a way forward, an antedote to the often unconscious practice of being prejudice - including the struggle I have with my own as I will share in future blog posts. For me, I know that my own prejudices have become shaped from those inherited from belonging to two very different cultures, and I can also identify the ones formed from those being in carer role - more of that later.
Wishing you good health and wide angle perspectives for this New Year - roll on 2016!!